[CONFESSIONS] x First attempt of Bibliotherapy

Maybe sometimes all you need is to lay down your head for a bit,
to see the world in a different perspective. 

This time, I thought maybe I could be a bit more expressive in my blog post.
Yes, I have a confession to make.

I've actually been consciously depressed unhappy for awhile now (16 days to be exact), but the self-destruction started since July 16th. I remember that date clearly because it was the first time I bawled my eyes out uncontrollably in a few public places - backstairs of a building, library & a studio that has other people all in one day. I've never felt so embarrassed about myself like this in recent years. Oh yassss I was da tough cookie, ahems. 

The last time I did, was over a dumb break-up & that was crying over someone else so it was just, painful. This time, it was for myself. It hurts 1000000 times worse because of the feelings where you know you were crying over yourself. You're the one who hurt yourself, causing all the pain. You I disappointed myself. & there was nobody I could blame, but myself.

So I did, for months I couldn't drive myself to face the task I was supposed to face and spent days & nights feelings defeated. When there's a need to meet people, I'm generally smiling and talking; when I'm home, the emptiness & fear will kick in, like the kinda seneschal who will not only welcome you home but to see you to your bed until you fall asleep, which is also almost impossible to not wake up 3am/4am in the morning, greeted by the same feelings. I've tried many ways to shake the feelings off, and I'm still trying.

This month has been an exceptionally hella roller coaster ride. Thus, I've given myself a chance to take a break and relax a little to do some artsy stuffs. Note that I'm for one NOT someone who can draw, so the best I could do is to LET SOMEONE DRAW ON ME. For the final result, Click Here & Show SOME LOOOOVVEE! Seng Hoo here also does body-painting for events / parties so if you like what you're seeing, comment down below or in his Instragram accounts' photos (ง︡'-'︠)ง DO IT!


Sorry I look butt-less here ಠ_ಠ
but I honestly love how it turned out, having the Picasso feel to it

On top of that, Seng Hoo is also someone who reads A LOT - which is the complete opposite of me. If I have to admit, the last time I read a new book was 4 years ago. YEAH, F-O-U-R years ago! & it was the book that inspired me to dedicate my thesis topic on - which may just turn out to be the poison I chose for my death. I've talked about this book soooooo many times I don't even wanna talk about it anymore it was the ONLY motivation that kept me going in these 3 years.

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua

So, aside from being painted, he suggested that I should catch up with a good read & came up with a few titles that might interest me. When he mentioned this title, Confessions by Kanae Minato, I was hooked. Instantly I reached out for the book (a little bit dusted lol but it's OK ¬‿¬) & decided 'yes, if I am gonna pick up a book today, this one looks like it.' 

To be honest, I was not the type of person who generally gets attracted to bools by their covers - because I don't even get attracted to BOOKS at all HAHAAHHHA ok ok ( ˘︹˘ ) so for me to feel so much for this book, as Seng Hoo was briefly telling me the summary and told me I'll have to read the book myself to find out what's the ending of the story has pretty much sealed the book & my faith as one!

And this was what went down for the next 3-4 hours.

Let me be clear, I do NOT know how bibliotherapy works. I only called it bibliotherapy because it made me forget about the fact that I was feeling sad / frustrated / agitated for 234 pages. I know it's not a thick book but HEY, first book in 4 years. That's some achievement aye? *pats on shoulder (҂◡̀_◡́)ᕤ 

I'm not gonna spoil the book for you who are reading this but Confessions is basically about 2 middle-school children who happened to kill the daughter of their homeroom's teacher and she confronted them, leading them into confessing what they did but THAT IS NOT THE END. The plot twist at the end of the story will make your heart sink and have your mind blown away, I promise!

Upon finishing the book (in 2 days), I immediately looked up for her other books. Apparently she wrote quite a number of books but only Confessions was translated. I was upset for a moment but hey, good things come to those who wait. So, wait, I shall ಥ_ಥ

Thank you, Seng Hoo.
Thank you, Minato.
Guess I've found a new way to calm myself.

Bibliotherapy buddies, anyone? 

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